When I was younger I would always say, "If I get to X weight, then I'll go on a diet." "X" would always vary based on what was going on at the time.
I always had a cap weight though. 170 lbs. I'm only 5'1" and knew that this was too much weight for me. I recall with my 4th son I reached 170 during my pregnancy. I gave myself the excuse that I was pregnant and that it would go away once he was born..and some of it did, but not all of course. People would try to say nice things like, "Well you did have 4 kids, so of course you'll be out of shape and have some weight on."
At some point full length mirrors disappeared from my house.
One summer I took up walking around the lake in front of my house with my friend Barb. I loved having a friend to chat with (I hate doing things alone, I get super bored.) We walked religiously 6 nights a week, first just doing one time around (1 mile) and eventually we built it up to 2-3 laps a night. Before the summer was over, I had lost 25 pounds and looked and felt great. But then life got in the way, and being a single mom didn't warrant time for me to do anything for myself anymore.
I maintained that lesser weight for a while and it was only in the last two years that I began to gain it back. And as of my wedding, I weighed in at 173 and my mind went back to that young girl who told herself 170 was way too much. I look at the pictures of myself and often refer to myself the way I felt that day: Porky Pig.
I remember when I was about 20 and weighed 125 pounds that my doctor told me I was obese. She said that someone of my height should only be 100 pounds. So imagine my mindset at just being shy of 39 years old and 173 pounds. I feel like if that doctor saw me now she'd be having me scheduled for bariatric surgery.
Over the years I've watched some of my blogger friends try Nutrisystem (#NSnation) and successfully lose the weight (and keep it off.) Of course, there are the ones that struggled too (and that's OK, we all struggle at some point.) I'm most inspired by my friend Nancy of Beauty411 who lost 100 pounds on Nutrisystem. She has been in maintenance mode for a while now and is a great resource.
What is odd to me is that I am a size 10 still in my jeans and a size 12 in dresses. Most of my weight is in my chest...but I've always been big busted, and in my stomach. OK, and maybe my butt too. Yet, even when I weighed 125 I was a size 10, so I'm confused how my weight can vary so much yet still be the same clothing size.
I know that realistically there is no way I could get myself to 100 pounds and maintain it. And quite honestly, I think that would look just as unhealthy as 173. So I've set a realistic goal for me of 130. And even 43 pounds sounds overwhelming to me, but I'm motivated to learn to eat healthy and incorporate more exercise into my life. I also want to be happy with what I look like, and I am oh so unhappy right now.
I don't look at Nutrisystem as a diet though, but more like helping me to understand (and stick to) portion control. Let's be honest here, those words haven't been in my vocabulary up to this point.
My husband mentioned putting a full length mirror on the back of the door in the bedroom and I cringed...but I'm hoping at some point to be ready to say OK.
So I hope you'll follow my weight loss journey over the next couple of months; I'll be starting in the next week once my shipment arrives and will be posting weekly about my progress. I hope you'll leave me encouraging comments here or on Facebook, and tweet me @agirlsgottaspa. I'll need all of the positivity I can get!
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